Nov 1st, 2020 — The day I did a radical thing; I got behind the Camera to mark a birthday. Slow down, did you read that? I willingly got behind a camera, smiled when the photographer gave me the “Say Cheese” cue and now posting it up for the world to view. Rainfall in the middle of the Sahara is more likely. After 25 long years, I finally gave myself the permission to celebrate myself. In this journey of self-love, we started late but start we have, and I guess that’s all that matters.
Two days ago, a friend asked me “How are you feeling about your 25th?” So much excitement washed over me, like somewhere deep down, I had been waiting to get asked that question. Odd. I’m usually the one itching to ask the questions, not the other way round. Excited as I was, there was some hesitance in my excitement. I knew my answer was not for the shallow-minded and so how to best prepare her for it?
You know I’ve been thinking alot about Death lately. Stay with me, I promise this ends well. Funny thing is Death has always been one of my biggest motivators — the gentle reminder that one day the very breath that now flows so freely and uninterrupted through these lungs will one day cease. This year especially, Death has featured one too many times in almost every other Status update or Facebook post. The tear-stained face of grief felt by friends I know and strangers I don’t that I encounter on an idle social media scroll, grip me with a sobering reminder of the inevitability of my own mortality. In the wake of this tumultuous year 2020, one reality dawns ever clearer; on this earth, there are only but two kinds of people; those who die well and those who don’t. The only difference between the two is what side of the Great Divide they get assigned to at Final Judgement. And so my living ambition is simply this; to die well.
As to the lessons this past year has left me with:
Lesson 1: Love. Completely, Unreservedly, and without fear of it going unreciprocated. For love remains always a transaction solely between you and God of which others just become secondary beneficiaries of.
Lesson 2: Be honest with yourself, Perfection is a myth, constant improvement is true bliss.
Lesson 3: Let the kindest person to you be you. Life does enough to tear you down, let the inner voice you hear reverse the damage.
Lesson 4: Do not make an enemy of your mistakes; for they possess in them the power to be wise counselors. Permit them to be. With patient, uncritical attention to their instruction, you will find in them a trusted group of lifelong allies.
Lesson 5: Cry. Freely, and often. It’s one of the truest and greatest marks of your humanity.
Lesson 6: STOP. Breathe. Now Pray. This too shall pass.
Onwards and upwards,
Love, Nchy 💕